What Would 'Insert Name Here' Order?
by Yellowfur
Summary: This is based on what characters from different fandoms and categories would order at Starbucks. Rated T for occasional swearing and suggestive theme. Most recent: Avenue Q, The Soup, and Seinfeld.
1. CSI and CSI: Miami

**Disclaimer: I do not own CSI or CSI: Miami.**

**Look, I know this fic is dancing on the rules, if not breaking them. But before you click that "Report Story" button, ask yourself if that will accomplish anything. I know this fic is a list, but it's not like I'm writing an original poem or song or something and putting it in Crossovers like some of those people seem to like to do, and I don't think I'm doing anything too harmful or insulting.**

**On that note, let the fanfic begin!**

**Starting with CSI and CSI: Miami.**

**CSI**

Grissom: Grissom picks from the tray of pre-bottled stuff next to the counter.

Katherine: Low-fat Latte.

Nick: Iced Mocha.

Sara: Caramel Frappucino (with extra bitchy), whipped cream depends on how many times she fantasized about Grissom. :-P

Warrick: Three-shot espresso.

Greg: He brings a spinning wheel with every non-coffee drink on it whenever he goes to Starbucks and spins it to figure out what he'll get.

Al: Soy unflavored bold coffee.

Brass: Does he honestly SEEM like a Starbucks person to you?!

**CSI Miami **

Horatio: Plain coffee. With no emotion.

Calleigh: Hmm, let's see. How about mocha?

Eric: Iced Mocha.

Ryan: A vanilla decaf caramel hazelnut soy Mocha Frappucino with extra whipped cream and cinnamon. Heh, not that I'm implying anything…

Alexx: Soy Latte.

Tim Speedle: Uh…how can you order a drink underground? But fine, just to please you (and me); I WILL give Speedle an order. How about…mocha with a couple espresso shots? Is that Speedle-y?

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**FYI: Fanfic is rated T for occasional swearing. It could probably be K+, but I'm not chancing anything.**


	2. Empire Records

**Disclaimer: I do not own Empire Records. What's with today, today?**

**This chapter is based on the movie Empire Records.**

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**Empire Records:**

Cory: Venti Vanilla crème Frappucino (it's white, no one can see that she's adding speed)

Gina: Venti bold hazelnut espresso (as sexy as a Starbucks drink can get)

Mark: Three servings of Chantico drinking chocolate (adds sugar)

Eddie: Same thing as Mark, stirs in powdered pot

A.J.: Whatever Cory gets (minus the speed)

Deb: Black coffee, you fool!

Joe: Not Starbucks, you fool. Just black coffee.

Jane: Whatever Joe is having (to get into bed with him)

Burko/Berko/Burco/Burqo/whatshisname: He can't afford Starbucks (he wouldn't get it anyway even if he could)

Warren: I don't know, but he'd take it without paying.

Rex Manning (oh Rexy, you're SO _sexy!_) One of the new fruit blend Frappucinos (because they're so stupid, like his hair.)

Lucas: Something confusing to. For example: "I'll have the water Frappucino/plain coffee Frappucino/Slurpee/Frappucino-flavored Frappucino/ I'll have a paper cup Frappucino/ Do you have a _medium size_? No, not _grande _you fool, medium/Do you have sushi? I'll have a sea urchin Frappucino/Are you interested in "Damn the Man?" Can I have some of that?/There's a sign outside that says you sell puppies. Do you sell puppies? I'll take 2…make that 3." This would continue until security was called and Joe had to come and get Lucas out.


	3. One Piece

**Disclaimer: I do not own One Piece. Meep.**

**This chapter is based on the anime "One Piece".**

**One Piece**

Luffy: "What do you mean you DON'T HAVE MEAT?!"

Zolo: Something decaf so it doesn't disturb his sleeping.

Nami: Caramel mocha frap with whipped cream (and would find a way to get out of paying for it)

Usopp: Something wussy like an iced soy caramel Macchiato

Sanji: He would jump behind the counter and show them how a real cook makes those flavored coffees and pastries.

Chopper: Hot chocolate.

Nico Robin: Espresso.


	4. House, MD

**Disclaimer: I do not own "House, M.D.". Can you touch your tongue to your nose?**

**This chapter is based on the TV show "House, M.D.".**

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**House, M.D.**

House: Probably espresso.

Foreman: Grande Vanilla Latte. Okay, scratch the vanilla, maybe...

Chase: Chase just screams, "Frappucino". Or he would, if he wasn't Australian...or is he British? Hmm...

Cameron: Grande Mocha. Iced or not iced. Or maybe chai tea; depends on her mood.

Cuddy: I think she seems like a just plain coffee type of person. Maybe with milk or cream and sugar or something.

Wilson: Soy Latte.

Stacy: Venti dry hazelnut Latte with two espresso shots. Dry means more foam.

Vogler: Venti Mocha Frappucino with sprinkles of human flesh on the top. And he'd make Chase get it for him.


	5. Dead Like Me

**Disclaimer: I do not own Dead Like Me. Moving on with life...**

**This one is on the cancelled show "Dead Like Me".**

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**Dead like Me**

George: Iced Mocha, with whipped cream, or some non-coffee Frappucino.

Rube: Just plain black coffee.

Mason: Mason orders something very sugary and flavored and adds drugs.

Roxy: See "Rube".

Daisy: Some sweet flavored latte. If it's a male cashier, she'll flirt and get the drink free. Then maybe take his soul.


	6. Everwood

**Disclaimer: I do not own Everwood. I'm two quarters and a heart down.**

**Wow, another cancelled show? I'm on a roll.

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**Everwood (I know it's cancelled, I don't care!)**

Dr. Andy Brown: Decaf Latte with misery.

Ephraim: a flavored Frappucino with depression on top.

Amy: Venti Mocha with guilt

Nina: Also mocha with shame

Jake: Venti Caramel Mocha Frap with whipped cream, loneliness, and a hint of California joy

Dr. Abbott: Venti Soy Decaf Cappuccino (extra foam) with regret

Edna: Grande Decaf Latte with sadness

Delia: Hot chocolate with a sense of longing

Hannah: Vanilla crème with confusion

Bright: Venti Iced Mocha with ignorant bliss

Reed: Vanilla Latte with suicidal thoughts

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**I don't know about you, but I see a pattern in that show that I expressed in this chapter. It can't be that hard to figure out.**


	7. Naruto

**Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto. CHA!**

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**Naruto (I didn't include EVERYONE. Only the people I chose to!)**

Naruto: Chai tea.

Sakura: Also chai tea, but low fat milk. Or whatever Sasuke's getting.

Sasuke: Just coffee, I don't know. I don't like Sasuke (yes, you heard me right, I DON'T LIKE SASUKE.)

Kakashi: Green tea Frappucino.

Hinata: Whatever Naruto's having, but she'd never even work up the courage to walk in to Starbucks if he's in there at the same time. She'd spy on him with the Byakugan to find out what he's ordering.

Gaara: Er… I don't know what to say…don't want to piss him off if I get it wrong… Hot nonfat chai with blood? (YYAAUUUGGH! The sand is crushing my bones!)

Neji: Latte with extra foam. LOTS of foam. What? Why are you looking at me like that?

Tenten: Soy latte with artillery.

Ino: DEFINITELY whatever Sasuke's getting.

Shikamaru: HE doesn't care. Ordering is _such_ a drag.

Choji: Frappucino with a pastry… or twelve.

Rock Lee: Vanilla latte! (yes, in his case, the exclamation point is totally necessary)

Temari: Venti latte with almond flavoring and kick-ass bitch extract.

Kankuro: Two mocha Frappucinos.

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I hope nobody murders me because I don't like Sasuke.


	8. Who Wants To Be A Superhero?

**Disclaimer: I do not own Who Wants To Be A Superhero. Believe it.**

**What? I really liked this show. **

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**Who Wants To Be a Superhero?**

Feedback: I don't know, some kind of Frappucino, I guess.

Fat Momma: Venti Vanilla Latte with some kind of high-fat pastry.

Major Victory: "What'll it be, sir?" "A SUPER-COFFEE, citizen! Oh, with super-soymilk!" (He's lactose intolerant)

Lemuria: Tangerine juice blend Frappucino

Creature: Espresso.

Tyveculus: Just a plain iced coffee, I think.

Iron Enforcer/Dark Enforcer: Evil Power quadruple-shot Espresso, you fool!

Monkey Woman: Caramel Frappucino. And a banana coffee-cake.

Cell Phone Girl: Iced Low fat Mocha with whipped cream.

Nitro G: I don't know. Just a latte, I guess. At least two shots of espresso.

Levity: Does it really matter?


	9. Soul Calibur II

**Disclaimer: I do not own Soul Calibur 2. Drink coffee! Do stupid things faster with more energy!**

**Wow, my first video game chapter. **

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**Soul Caliber II**

Raphael: Americano latte.

Ivy: Unsweetened soy latte.

Kilik: Er…something ordinary.

Yunsung: Green tea frap with arrogance.

Seung/Seong/Seuong/Song/Sung Mina: (The name thing depends on who you're asking) She'd order a vanilla Frappucino.

Cassandra: Let's get a double-shot espresso and some Sophitia worries.

Sophitia: Chai latte.

Nightmare: "SOULS!" Clerk: "Frappucino?" Nightmare: "SOULS!" Clerk: "Espresso?" Nightmare: "SOOOULLLS!" Clerk: "CHAI?!" Nightmare: "…Chai?" Clerk: "Yes, what size would you-" (interrupted) "SOULLLLLLLS!"

Astaroth: "Whatever the gentleman in the black armor is having. I too crave souls. But make mine the BIGGEST size!"

Cervantes: "I'll have the soul drink too!" -pays with pirate gold-

Talim: "I'll have the chai latte." –widens already huge eyes- "Could I have that for _free_?"

Taki: Blackberry green tea Frappucino. She needs something to wake her up before the next assassination...

Xiuanghua/XianghuaXiunghwa/SOMEBODYHELPMEOUTHERE!: "Hi! I'll have a mocha Frappucino with whipped cream. And here's a tip!" As the waiter smiles, she flips the tip jar over and takes back her tip. "Just kidding!" She smiles perkily.

Voldo: hisses continuously

Necrid: grunts inaudibly

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**They were slightly out of character. Good point. _But I don't care._**


	10. Invader Zim

**Invader Zim**

Zim: "Give me the most POWERFUL Frappucino human drink you have! The all mighty ZIIIIM can handle it!"

Dib: Dib needs quad-shot espresso to help his crazy supernatural obsession.

Gaz: Starbucks? Oh, yeah right.

Tak: Do you really think Tak would walk into a Starbucks and order a drink? If she would in the first place though, she'd get a double chocolate chip crème Frappucino…stop staring at me like that!

Gir: Can I have some Poop Cola? Clerk: Small metal child, I'm afraid we don't sell Cola. Gir: Tacos? Clerk: No, we don't have Mexican food. Gir: BUR-RI-TOES?! Clerk: I just said we don't have Mexican! Gir: My little piggy friend wants a Frappucino. Clerk: That's more like it. What flavor? Gir: WAFFLES! Clerk: ……

Professor Membrane: "I'll have a mocha FRAP! What? What's THAAAT? What do you mean I can't get it free?! Do you KNOW how many significant contributions I've made towards inventing the syrups in your coffee drinks?" (electric sparks coursing around him)

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**I know Invader Zim isn't exactly... the "right" show for this kind of thing... good point... _but I don't care._**


	11. Heroes

**Disclaimer: I do not own Heroes. Save the cheerleader. Save the world!**

**I'm on a big kick with this show. This chapter might be more making fun of them than them ordering drinks...**

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**Heroes**

**HEROES of our world at Starbucks??? What are the odds! But here you go:**

Nathan: Espresso to keep his powers and ego in line.

Isaac: Heroin. That's not a drink? Since when?!

Peter: Mocha. 'Cause that's what everyone else is having.

Claire: Chantico (I know it's not there anymore). And she'd gulp it down fast; ignoring the burn on her tongue (it'll be fine in a few seconds anyway).

Niki and Jessica: Grande hot chai latte and a Venti triple-shot espresso.

Micah: Hot chocolate. It isn't coffee to suit his young tastes, but it will still give him a rush to get those smart-boy juices flowing!

Mohindr: Dry (dry means more foam than milk) latte. He doesn't have time for any exciting drink!

Hiro: It would take him fifteen minutes to get the words out, but he seems like a chai person, doesn't he? ("CHAI! Woohoo! WHOOSH!")

Ted (the guy with the radiation, you know him. I like to give them all nicknames; his is Fall Out Boy. Oh, I'm rambling again...) : How about... mocha frappucino. He needs something chocolate to soothe his agony in his terrible life.

D.L.: Does he seem like a starbucks person to you?! Actually, he'd like a hot mocha (venti, he needs to stay up all night and dodge the cops. And Jessica).

Matt: Too much caffeine makes him hear things...

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**Review. DO IT.**


	12. Code Lyoko

**Disclaimer: I do not own Code Lyoko. Eye of the tiger!**

**Heh... I like Nicholas's choice best.**

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**Code LYOKO**

Yumi: Chai, iced or hot depending on who she spent the day with (wink wink nod nod!)

Ulrich (did I spell that right?): Just an iced Café Americano.

Odd: Caramel Apple Cider.

Aelita: Iced vanilla crème.

Jeremy: Hot chocolate. But no drinking near the computer, Jeremy!

William: Whatever Ulrich's having, but the next size up, to please Yumi.

Sissy: The way I see it, there are three choices: 1.) What Ulrich's getting. 2.) Mocha. 3.) Tangerine Frappucino.

Herb (Why am I doing Herb? I hate Herb!): Soy decaf latte.

Nicholas: Ice water. Yes, he's actually dumb enough to order ice water at Starbucks.

XANA: Whatever's behind the counter, for his own evil purposes.

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**Now go review. You know? That little button? In the corner, close to this text.**

**I shall shut up and go now (I know, I can hear those sighs of relief)...**

**Oh, one more thing! In response to my review from the person named "Mars Yggdrasil": I am.**


	13. Naruto cont

**Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto. Meep meep.**

**I decided there were still things left unsaid. And, don't expect me to put out things for people like Deidara, 'cause I'm not that far along in the series. I'll catch up one of these days...**

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**Naruto (cont.)**

Gai: Espresso. That's better than what Kakashi's getting! HA!

Orochimaru: Depends on what he's wearing (faces, I mean).

Kabuto: Some wussy tangerine frap for the dork.

Sound Genin: Zaku will have the Filler Character latte, Kin will have the Super Filler Character frap, and Dosu will have the Almost Not a Filler Character soy mocha latte.

Gekko Hayate: Tangerine Frappucino; let's get some Vitamin C in that system!

Jiraiya: Green tea Frappucino.

Itachi: He has no time for Starbucks; he has a Sasuke to bother, bother, bother.

Zabuza: Hot Green Tea… Venti, because water clones require lots of fluid in the system.

Haku: Passionfruit Iced Tea for the little lady… I mean little man… I mea- AGGHH! Needles…in…brain…

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**My brother/co-writer/fellow fanfiction writer put forth Haku, Zabuza, and Orochimaru.**


	14. Teen Titans 1

**Disclaimer: I do not own Teen Titans.**

**Since this is so short, another chapter will come soon.**

**Teen Titans**

Robin: Espresssssssssso.

Cyborg: Iced tea. Passionfruit, maybe.

Raven: Tea…with no sugar or cream or nothing.

Starfire: Iced vanilla Crème.

Beast Boy: Hot chocolate!

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**To be continued.**


	15. Fantastic Four

**Disclaimer: I do not own Fantastic Four. Guess who made waffles!**

**Well, here you go.

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**Fantastic Four:**

Johnny: Espresso…with sugar…and it _better _be hot!

The Thing: Four Venti iced teas.

Invisible Woman: Cappuccino.

Mr. Fantastic: Iced Soy Latte.

Dr. Doom: Cappucino, but evil-er.

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**'Kay bye.**


	16. Clerks II

**Clerks II**

Dante: He's not even supposed to be in that Starbucks today!

Randall: Some tall order with tons of different factors and flavors, just to bother the barista. Then he'd scold him if he gets it wrong.

Elias: Hot chocolate (with whipped cream)

Becky: Iced low fat Chai latte.

Emma: Soy vanilla frap (no whipped cream)

Jay and Silent Bob: Coffee? Pssh. Snootchie-bootchies!


	17. Ugly Betty

**Ugly Betty**

Betty: Chai latte.

Daniel: Venti soy latte.

Wilhelmina: Marc has to go get her a low-fat soy vanilla latte, dry, with one espresso shot.

Christina: Green tea latte.

Amanda: Iced low-fat mocha.

Marc: Low-fat vanilla Frappucino. If he feels like whipped cream today, make sure it's low-fat whipped cream.

Justin: Low-fat vanilla Frappucino. If he feels like whipped cream today, make sure it's low-fat whipped cream.

Henry: Something nice... also chai latte.


	18. Dragonball Z

**Disclaimer: I do not own Dragonball Z. For shame.**

**I didn't do all of the characters... or even anywhere near all of the characters. That would take way too long. But I gave you a good handful of the main ones and some of my select favorites.

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**Dragonball Z**

Goku: A large iced tea, and everything in the pastry window.

Gohan: Green tea latte.

Piccolo: Also green tea latte! Get it? 'Cause he's green? And it's all green? Ha ha ha! Ha...

Vegeta: Starbucks when you could be TRAINING?! Pitiful, Kakarot!

Bulma: Soy latte.

Broly: He'll have a Kakarot cake, please.

Master Roshi: Hot black tea, but he's really just there to look down the hot female cashier's shirt.

Trunks: Probably espresso, but I don't know how many he'd have to order (one for each self, in different times). I don't feel like doing hard math right now.

Videl: Iced chai latte.

Android 18: Double espresso shot mocha. She'd probably get it for free. She'd just have to fix the poor defenseless clerk with her stare glare.

Dabura the Demon King: Who gives a crap? He died early and no one bothered to bring him back.

Hercule: Vanilla soy frap with extra whipped cream. THE CHAMPION gets his post work-out fraps for free!

Krillin: Mocha.

Fat Buu: Lots of pastries! And the clerk!


	19. Seinfeld

**Disclaimer: I do not own "Seinfeld". If I had a nickel for every time I had to say that, I'd go to the mall and throw them at people.**

**Sorry I haven't been working much on this fic.**

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**Seinfeld**

Jerry: Something not too flashy but still a reasonably tall order… and he wants a pumpkin scone. What? It's spring and you don't have them? But you use canned pumpkin, it's available year-round! WHAT'S THE PROBLEM?!

Elaine: Hmm… either soy or lowfat latte… for flavoring, let's go with vanilla.

George: Something hatefully complicated.

Kramer: Who on Earth would give coffee to Kramer?!

Newman: A hot steaming cup of EVIL! (Decaf, so he doesn't go _postal_) (get it? Postal? Cause he works for the post office?)

Crazy Joe Davola: Coffee with a shot of _orange_ flavoring for while he waits for Jerry to come in… so he can take out his piano wire and…


	20. The Soup

**Disclaimer: I do not own "The Soup".**

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**The Soup**

Joel: Venti soy dry Americano triple-shot, iced, GET IT NOW.

Mankini: Nothing too cold, you'd think he would get the chills easily in that bikini top.

Running Prostitute: Frappucinos are easier to run with than hot drinks…

Giant Maxi Pad: Well, I don't know, but the good news is that since if she spills it, she's very absorbent!

Lou: Low fat, uh, water.

The interns: They get NOTHING!

Oprah's Va-Jay-Jay: Va-Jay-Jays don't drink coffee, silly! They'd burn their… um…


	21. Avenue Q

**Disclaimer: I do not own _Avenue Q_.**

**Avenue Q**

Princeton: Latte. With vanilla. And purpose.

Kate Monster: Soy mocha.

Rod: Dry soy vanilla latte. With an extra pound of dark roast. "…Um, for my girlfriend. No, she doesn't live around here. Her name is Alberta. She loves coffee. She's very hot."

Nicky: Can't afford Starbucks! Must have Rod buy him an iced tea.

Gary Coleman: Can't afford Starbucks either! Must make his own coffee.

Brian: Christmas Eve won't let him get Starbucks! Too expensive.

Christmas Eve: Glande ratte.

Trekkie Monster: He need espresso for searching internet!!

Lucy the Slut: Venti skinny hazelnut latte and the male barista.

Bad Idea Bears: They're just here to encourage the other customers. "No! Get it Venti! With two extra shots! Caffeine is GOOD for you! It gives you energy! You can get more done! Oh, think about how much more you'll get done with THREE extra shots!!"


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